Insiders: from the mouths of CATS
by etcies
Summary: basically sums up different cats and explains things you may not have known about them. also may include confessions, andor revealing secrets you may not want to know. R
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I am writing this because it has always bugged me about how everyone who sees CATS assumes Etcetera is in love with The Rum Tum Tugger.

Okay to lay lie to the commonly thought fact, I do NOT like Tugger! By golly gees he's my uncle! I only hang around him because he is the tom that my ideal tom is based after. It has nothing to do with me liking him. The fact that they would think that I liked him is sick. I know that some of you are thinking 'how can this be possible when she screams during his songs?' well to answer that it's all scripted! I never had a choice. Sure they give Victoria and Jemima a choice, but me NO! They just told me that this was what would happen. Its like I have no say in MY life. Where is dignity? No where I tell you no where!

A.N: I hope you all liked this because I am going to be writing more like this. Please stay posted for more. And to those of you who think I am an insane psycho, who threatens people, I have changed my ways. The only people dying will be those in my story. If any one has any complaints about this I blame Chimalmaht (I love you Chi!).


	2. Cassandra

Disclaimer: if anyone is thoroughly upset with the way I have written this I am soulfully sorry and you will just have to live with it. I also have a problem with Cassandra so please do not become upset over the way I write about her.

So most people think I am a nice, calm queen. They are wrong. I enjoy seducing toms, and I am worse than Bombalurina. The only reason no one knows is because I am not as pretty as she is. That's fight, beauty always matters. It is a pain up the arse if you ask me. Most of my friends like to tease me about my devotion to the male race, and I just laugh along. But if they have a problem with it they should just tell me, Cassandra means man pleaser and that is what I do, I please any and all males who come to me looking for sexual favors. If any of you has a problem with that I really don't care (Demeter)! So go sink into the hole of depression and rot! If I take your tom you have reason to pout if I don't then just shut your bloody trap! Although I have most likely already taken your tom. The only males who have not succumbed to my charm are Munkustrap and Mistoffelees! Even Macavity has come to me for a night of bliss. I am proud of who I am and don't let any bloody person tell you other wise!


	3. Demeter

Disclaimer: Okay, Demeter is one of my favorite characters so I am going to have lots of fun with this one. (Sorry Chi).

Okay, so most of you know me as the paranoid freak. And that is not far from the truth. I am totally freaked out by Macavity, ever since that one night of bliss I have been afraid of the male race. In fact it amazes me that Munkustrap still chases after me! No one really cares what I think, and then the whole Macavity shows up at the ball thing like hit them big time. They were all like, "Hey, he is really out to get us." And Etcetera hissing at me, well lets just say her mind is not very open to new ideas (she is very prejudice). Why do I have like ten kits? Well after my Macavity ordeal I had to do my part of community service if you know what I mean. Any way, now I adopt poor kittens off the street. Saving something so innocent like these kits is what redeems me after enjoying being raped (if anyone wonders about this, some of the choreography was meant to portray "His love was wonderful, yet terrible," or something like that). Any way I just wish that Bombalurina and Tugger would stay away from my kits, the way they lead them on is totally wrong. It made Pouncival uncomfortable after the ball; he told me he felt dirty. Etcetera tells me that having everyone think she is in love with her uncle makes her feel like a whore. Sometimes it is all I can do to stop from ripping these fools' heads off, the other cats, not Etcetera and Pouncival.

A/N: I hope you like these. I enjoy writing them.

Chimalmaht: I am sorry about the way I portrayed Demeter, I hope you don't get to mad at me.

Mystitat: no I don't want them to be longer, it is hard to come up with these off the top of my head.

Roman: not even for you. This came to me after I almost hit a girl in the eye with a pencil that I chucked at Murry (Not that it would have been wrong to take out her eye, she bugs the crap out of me).

Jemima-luvah: no I will not change my new code for anyone on here, no matter how much they enjoy it. This is mainly because I am tired of being used by others.


	4. Pouncival

Disclaimer: I don't have a disclaimer!

Is it just me, or is Corciopat kind of scary? I mean, the way he always stares at me makes me think he is gay. He always is looking at me, and what is with mating with his sister? Isn't that wrong? I mean your kittens would be malformed or something. Unless they found a way to still have the pleasure with out the problems of kittens. That would be weird though. Anyway, I hate how the other kittens avoid me, its like they think I'm gay! Isn't that stupid! It is right? Right? Well, I am not gay! No matter what anyone may think. Me and my sister are constantly teased, me about being gay, Etcetera about loving Uncle Tugger, which is a total lie. I don't like talking about myself. So welcome to my life.

A/N: I know, a short chapter, but I can tell you this, we will see Pouncival later.


	5. Munkustrap

A/N: this story/ chapter is dedicated to my friend Chimalmaht. Because she came up with the next couple of chapters. Hope you enjoy.

So I am basically over protective. But how can I help it? After all Demeter has gone through I need to be protective. If this had happened to me and she had been the one to find me, I'm sure she would be protective of me. Of course, people tell me that I am protective to a fault, but that is not the point. What the point is, is that I am protective so I can prepare myself for the moment when Deuteronomy descends to the Heaviside Layer and I am the Jellicle Leader.

Of course that won't happen soon, so all I just have to do is be prepared for it when the time comes. Not that it matters, if the tribe decides that I am not fit to be leader, The Rum Tum Tugger will be chosen leader. Although, if anyone was stupid enough to choose Tugger, I doubt he would agree. Tugger has been trying to go to the Heaviside Layer for years now. And in my opinion it isn't such a bad idea to let him. One more problem off of my back.

Well, I'm just doing my job, and that is all I can do. If anyone disagrees with that they can take it up with me when I am the Jellicle Leader, not before, not after. It just comes with the territory I guess. Not that anyone would give me any credit. I am just the tom behind the desk, not the one in front of it. Although the fact that I get blamed on everything that happens in the tribe.

And unlike most toms, I believe in the females in my tribe, not just the males. I don't see them just as a potential body, but as a mind capable of thinking for themselves. It's just that most of them are frailer than the males in our tribe, and most of them need to be protected. Sadly most males don't believe what I believe. I am a mind on my own.

A/N: I hope you liked this chapter.

Chimalmaht: what do you think? Like it? Did it live up to your expectations? And what was the rest of the order?


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